My Truth Exposed

just because we hooked up doesn’t mean i want to sleep with you or even date you. if you think you can get it that easily you’re going after the wrong girl. 

Biggest Pet Peeve: People who literally ALWAYS need to be the center of attention or ALWAYS get praise… Honestly: get over yourself

I’m invisible. it’s as if I have super powers but without the cool life. 

Knowing ahead of time that I won’t talk to you all week.. doesn’t make it any better.. in fact it makes it worse because now I know I have nothing to look forward to 

When you don’t text me all day long, you may think it’s no big deal, but inside i’m dying. 

It took all of my strength to tell you what I wanted and you didn’t say anything in response. All that strength was just drowned out of me for no good reason. Thanks for nothing 

Some days I don’t text you because I’m waiting to see how long you can go without texting me first. Maybe someday you’ll miss me enough to text me first right when you wake up </3

People ask me why I join so many things and have zero free time… the answer: I drive myself crazy in my own head when I have free time. I can’t stop myself from analyzing, reanalyzing, then overanalyzing every aspect of my life. Therefore, I let myself have zero free time besides sleeping so I avoid this mind trap. 

I will always worry about others more than I worry about myself. 

My friend was injured tonight in an intramural soccer game and I haven’t heard from any of my friends as to how he’s doing since he left the field. I can’t sleep, I feel terrible, I’m just up worrying about what happened and how bad it is. I know he’ll probably be ok in the back of my head, but at the same time I feel terrible because I know how much work he has this week and how unfortunate this timing is. :( I just want to hear back from one of them saying he’s totally fine and will be back on his feet tomorrow. BAH is that too much to ask? :(

Luke Bryan is one of the sexiest men alive <3

My ex-boyfriend texted me last night asking me over to his house for his birthday “get together”… out of the blue… after telling me this winter break that he does not think of me that way and probably never will (basically saying he never wants to ever again).. and then continues to poke fun at how I should bring him to my sisters wedding and sends me winky faces to go along with it.. why he can’t just stop flirting with me I don’t understand. If you don’t like a girl like that and tell her you never will don’t fucking send her flirty text messages with winky faces in them.. especially if you used to tell her she was the girl of your dreams and the one you wanted to marry. this situation is all kinds of fucked up

I understand that 20 years old is still extremely young to worry about not having someone and to be worried about ending up alone or never finding true love, but when I see the incoming freshmen of my university and I see them in relationships acting like they have found the one they want to spend the rest of their life with I start to freak out inside. I’m two years older than them, I should have my life more figured out than them. And to think this time of the year two years ago, I was in their exact same shoes with the same attitude and all. I thought I had found the one I was meant to be with. I loved him with all my heart. I put everything into that relationship. I gave it my all and let myself get carried away. Fate and life proved to me it wasn’t that easy. In fact it proved to me in his opinion I wasn’t worth loving anymore. I went from being his everything to being absolutely nothing to him. That’s a hard realization to deal with. To think that I wasn’t good enough. To think I’m missing something key for someone to love me. To think ill never have another relationship work as well and now I’m doomed to be left alone. Since then, I’ve never been enough. I’m always missing something always one step behind. I miss the old me. The me who thought she was good enough, the me who thought she had it all, the me who was happy not only with myself but with my life. These past two years have been a long journey and I can’t say it was the most enjoyable journey either. All I want is a genuine person in this world. A genuine boyfriend who loves me for me and when he says he loves me he means forever not just until he doesn’t feel like it anymore. If only that person existed..

I’m 5’ 1” and 110 lbs and I am extremely unhappy about my body image to the point where I believe it will soon start to negatively effect my life.

The end is so close yet so far away. My friends are heading back home and I’m stuck here waiting until the bitter end. It’s dragging on like no other making it so difficult for me to keep going. I found out today that I do not need boys. While I love crushing and I love having a boyfriend when I do finally find a guy that makes me really happy, I finalize realized that I’m almost happier without a guy. I was thinking about it when this guy that’s been trying to date me for the past week or so keeps asking me to cuddle every night this week. I’ve said no or not answered every day because honestly I do not have any desire to cuddle. I don’t want to cuddle, I don’t need to cuddle. The only thing I want to cuddle with is my teddy bear. He’ll keep me warm and cuddly at night that’s all I need. I don’t need someone that I constantly have to be texting or constantly have to be trying to see and work my schedule to see him. I don’t have time to have a boyfriend to be completely honest. And I realized this week that is not even close to an exaggeration. I’m an independent and successfully involved girl on this campus. I have multiple leadership roles, research positions, and a full class schedules plus a work study/ possible payroll job. Why on earth would I need to add a boyfriend on top of all that? Having a boyfriend is like having another full time job. Being a girlfriend is a lot of work and I unfortunately do not have time to take on that role on top of all the rest of mine and I am happy saying that. I feel so independent and so wonderful about myself. I’ve never been so happy. :) 

I want to be home this summer more than anything. My job is at my school for the first half of summer and while I love the job a lot, I just wish i could go home and stay home for the next three months. I don’t want any responsibilities I don’t want any jobs. I just want to have fun and enjoy spending time with my best friends. the friends that mean more to me than the world but I never get to see because we’re all leading too busy of college lives. i don’t know why we did this to ourselves. i miss them. i can’t wait to see them. 11 days and counting! <3 

I hate finals. But hey who doesn’t? I really have no reason to hate finals though is the sad part. I only have one. My finals don’t start until this Friday and classes don’t end until this Wednesday, but I’m done with all my classes except one. It’s just always the worst class that lasts the longest. It’s my hardest, most time consuming class and I hate it. BAh. 

I’m over him. I’m finally 100% over him. And to tell you the truth (obviously) I could not be happier!!

I cry almost every night.. Somehow I don’t think this is healthy and I definitely don’t think this is ok :(

Why are all my entries pretty much about him? He doesn’t deserve to occupy that much of my life and that much of my thoughts. Why do I care that much that I wrote that many posts about him? I really didn’t think I cared that much. To be completely honest I thought I was past this. I thought I was over this. I’m going to try. I’m going to try talking to him this weekend or next week or something so we can talk this out and get the weirdness out of the way so I can go back to not thinking about him anymore. It needs to end. I need to talk to him I can’t keep thinking every things ok. I can’t keep acting like every things ok. He hurt me and I need to talk it out. Hopefully he’ll be willing to… my goal is for this to be my final post about him. **fingers crossed I can accomplish that**